Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize