I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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