I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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