I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
