Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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