we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
