In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
