I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
