it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
