When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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