Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
