I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
