we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
