Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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