using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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