something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
