i would punch a child for taco bell
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
