Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
