chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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