Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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