don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
