Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
