they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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