We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
