so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
