does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
