Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
