I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
