Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
