My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
