so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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