Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
