Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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