I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
