You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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