Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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