apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Someone signed my nipple.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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