Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
