Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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