Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
