What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
