we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All the doctor said was why
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
