fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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