By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
