There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
