FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
