she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
