There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
