just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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