I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
