I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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