I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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