I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
