She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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