I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
