I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could fuck to npr.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
