I think im going to throw up on grandma
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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