We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
