i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
