She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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