She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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