Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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