Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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