my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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