I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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