Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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