I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
